Just Hand Me the Valium and Step Away Slowly

We had a little fire here last night.  We had been negligent in keeping the stove clean and something underneath the burners caught on fire.  I would sometimes wonder about cleaning out the space underneath the drip pans but would just wipe out what I could see and leave it at that.  Clearly that was not enough and having lapsed on even that level of clean-up for a little while, we had allowed for a very effective accumulation of kindling under our burners.

But we didn’t do everything wrong.  One thing we did right was buying a fire extinguisher and keeping it under the kitchen sink.  When I bought it, I thought it was silly.  I spent $25 on this thing that nobody ever really uses, right?!  The way this fire worked, if we hadn’t had the extinguisher we would have lost more than the stove, maybe a lot more.

PLEASE.  Get a fire extinguisher.  Know how to use it.  Know where it is.  I’m so dead serious about this.  We could have lost our house.  Seconds count in these situations.  When Jt pulled out the fire extinguisher, he didn’t know how to use it.  He read the instructions but the trigger is pretty hard to push so it took a few seconds to figure out.  If it hadn’t worked, if the trigger had broken off (I read about this happening to someone) we may have run out of time before we figured out what to do next.

Buy an extinguisher.  They have them on Amazon.  They have them at hardware stores.

These are the different types of extinguishers, click the picture to go to the full article at HomeMinders.com

*****

So.  That happened.

And really, everything’s fine.  FINE.  We are safe, we did all the right things and everyone is okay.  But I’m not.  I have PTSD and it has never been more obvious to me than it is today.  I know that it has fucked with me in a million awful ways over the years but it never really made sense.  I guess I was so used to being messed up in some way that it didn’t much matter what you called it.  Plus, it was always a condition.  It was, “Hey, you have depression and anxiety and -for a short time there- bipolar 2 and you have those things because you have PTSD (and PTSD is a bitch).”

But last night was scary.  For Jt it was scary.  For me it was a little more than scary.  And that makes sense.  It’s not unexpected that when something a little scary happens, it might feel a little more scary for me than what other people might feel in the same situation.  I just didn’t expect it to feel this overwhelming and… BIG.  I thought I would sleep it off last night, I was sure of it.  But I didn’t.  I remained this weird mix of numb and nauseated and hyperventilating and and… and

My belly is full of rocks and my diaphragm is pressing up into my lungs.

I don’t know how long this will last.  I only have a few clonazepam left and can’t see my psychiatrist for another week.  So just hand over the meds and we’ll get through this together.

Beer Bad

If you get the reference in the title I apologize.  Worst episode of the best show.  Meaning I’d still rather watch it than say, any episode of The Bachelor.

And with that, I bring you The Airing of Grievances.

• The most pressing grievance at this moment is directed at the person responsible for labeling the Trader Joe’s food packages.  Who thought it was okay to leave the warning label off of the Candy Cane Joe-Joe’s??  They can’t expect us to just KNOW that rapidly eating eight cookies and chasing it with a coke will lead straight to barfish feelings!
• Next up is Christmas shopping.  (Note to self-rejecting the rampant consumerism of the season will not only feel good and righteous but will liberate you from the hell of shopping)  Brick and Mortar shopping is out, OUT, O.U.T.  I enjoy shopping sometimes.  I love a slow, casual browse in an eclectic gift shop or used bookstore.  I don’t mind the usual trips to Kroger and Target.  I HATE shopping when it’s crowded, when I’m pressed for time, when I have to find something and no one seems to have it.  So I do most of my shopping online.  I don’t like feeling like I’m harming local business and perhaps leaving an even larger carbon footprint.  But I’m willing to take the conscience hit to avoid the FUCKING FLUORESCENT LIGHTS.  But shopping online is rife with its own problems even apart from the liberal guilt.  Usually when a package arrives I greet it much the way my puppy greets company.  Complete with the jumping and squealing and maybe even some licking.  Not really, I try to avoid those kind of lawsuits.  The problem comes in when we are receiving a billion deliveries a day and I’m never sure what’s in the box except for those times that in comes in it’s original, marked box instead of the plain, cardboard Amazon box and that just ruins the surprise for everyone.  This has only happened twice that I can think of and both times it was my Christmas gift from Jt.  The first time he saved it really well by having a mutual friend call me and ask that I watch for the item and don’t mention it to his wife because it’s her gift and he had it sent to our house so she wouldn’t see it.  ANYWAY.  The awesome thing about all the boxes this year is that Elliet has tons of materials to use for her homemade rattie playground which doubles as a time-consuming activity for the rainy winter break.  So I guess Christmas shopping online is pretty awesome but I’m certain that I started this thinking that it was not, in fact, awesome.  Oh YES.  The problem is hiding any damn thing.  No, that’s not really it.  Well, it sort of is because even though we agree to not open any package not addressed to us if we happen to be the one to receive the box not addressed to us, it’s still pretty easy to guess what it is in the box.  Then there’s the issue of a shared computer.  I can’t even begin to get into the troubles of ordering a gift for someone who shares your computer!  Especially if that someone also likes to nose around on your phone as well.  To conclude this ridiculously long, rambling grievance: Christmas shopping can suck it, online is better but only if you are stealthy.  And also, boxes are fun.
• Insert rant about the AFA, Feaux News, CBN and the like here.  OH MY gods, the “War on Christmas” and just nonsense after nonsense.  I just don’t have the energy for that level of bullshit.
• My next grievance is aimed at every single anti-Occupy person I’ve run across.  I enjoy well-thought criticism that is given in the form of encouragement but that only tends to come from respected minds like Naomi Klein or Noam Chomsky.  What I see instead is the derision coming from people around me, friends even, who really don’t understand the Occupy movement.  I’ve been shocked at times to read this kind of ignorant judgment coming from people I respect, the kind of people who know better than to judge something based on the media’s portrayal of it.  They will argue that they *do* understand but then they go on to say things that make it very clear that they do not know what they think they know about the movement and the people involved.  It is rather hilarious though, to imagine people sitting at their computers, ranting to Facebook about how those OWS kids need to quit standing around holding signs and actually DO something.  Cozy there?
• Final grievance.  Addiction.  Here comes the heavy.  Here comes the confession.  I can get addicted to ANYTHING.  At different times in my life I have been addicted to scratch-offs, computer games (boggle. not even kidding), porn and, most recently, alcohol.  Of course there are a plethora of addictions I live with that don’t count like caffeine and nicotine.  The four on this list have had hugely negative consequences so they are in a league all their own.  I’ve lost jobs, I’ve damaged relationships and I’ve lived with my own shame due to these.  While the first three on the list were harmful and caused a great deal of pain, alcohol is clearly the winner for harmful addictions.  After mulling over treatment programs for the last few months I finally just stopped.  I think the fear of having to go to a program and the even greater fear of being labeled led to my choice to just stop drinking on my own.  The more I read about treatment, the more I hated the idea that I had to look to something greater than myself in order to quit.  I couldn’t do that honestly and I knew I had the power to do it within me anyway.  I’m in the process of writing a post about what finally clicked for me.  But for now, I will just air my grievance against addiction.  Anything that turns beer into an enemy is just a asshole that needs to be put down.

Just to round things out, there will be no Feats of Strength and that is your Festivus miracle.

A Suggestion

I would like to posit that Joshua Tree, if there can be only one best album, is indeed the best album ever.  I’m thinking about a music post focused on a sort of top ten EVER but I still need to write about the Occupation and well… eventually I will get to both of those things.  Whether you like it or not.  And it’s fine if you don’t because I’m okay with that.  Some readers prefer certain kinds of posts and I get that because more than a blog writer, I am a blog reader and so I know that when I skim posts by my favorite bloggers for the simple fact that what they are writing about at that time does not really interest me does not make me like them any less.  And there you have perhaps the longest sentence I’ve ever written.

Hi.  I’m Vegas and this is how my brain functions.

Too Busy to Blog?

I know, it sounds crazy.  I used to be able to spend hours getting into trouble all over the interwebs.  Life changes though and it has recently changed for the better.  The kids are in a fantastic school, I quit babysitting and I’m staying busy enough that I can barely keep up with Facebook and Google+.  My google reader is 600 deep.  So I’m checking in while I have a little extra time this morning.

What I’m Watching:
Fringe We should have been watching this all along!  Great show with really fabulous characters.
Misfits Currently my favorite show, we were hooked from the very beginning!
Eureka Not the best show ever but good casting and it keeps us entertained.

    *warning: contains grown-up language, violence and sexual innuendo – AKA fun!

What I’m Reading:
Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children by Ransom Riggs  *I’m loving this book, the plot is different than anything I’ve read before and the added bonus of pictures is really fun.
Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block  *I’m not an activist for natural birth by any stretch but I am very interested in the way childbirth has been “managed” so thoroughly by the medical community.  This book is a great way to learn about the issue.  It is full of first-person accounts by medical staff (mostly nurses) in the labor and delivery field which helps hold my attention better than just statistics.  This book really makes me wish I could go back and deliver my three girls the way I wanted to instead of caving to what the doctors encouraged me to do.
The Greatest Experiment Ever Performed on Women: Exploding The Estrogen Myth by Barbara Seaman  *This is another issue that I have been mildly curious about, there is a lot of conflicting information out there about hormone treatments for menopause.  If this interests you at all, this book will blow your mind.  As you might suspect, it uncovers the awful truth about how and why estrogen has been pushed onto aging women.
Dead Reckoning by Charlene Harris  *So, I collect this series in paperback because it’s one I expect to read again over the years.  This newest book is not out in paperback yet so when I saw it at the library I grabbed it.  However, I cannot figure out if I’ve already read it!  So I also picked up Dead in the Family to skim so I’d remember where the series left off and I can’t remember anything that happened in that one either.  I think the solution is to put off reading any more until True Blood has run its course.  I could do it the other way around but I’m fairly certain the books will continue after the show has ended.  First world dilemmas, yo.

What I’ve Been Doing:
Having three kids in school means lots of driving! I’ve doubled my gas usage since the start of the school year. The girls are enrolled in Leaves of Learning, an alternative educational program to support homeschooling. Elliet takes all her core classes there plus art. We are hoping to get her into PE and a cooking class as well. Kenai is in their preschool/ Kindergarten program most of the day. They follow a Montessori model so she is getting the Kindergarten academics she needs and she loves it! She’s also in a first grade science class and does one hour of tutoring per week, she also takes art and (hopefully) PE and Cooking. They attend two and a half days a week and the rest of our time is spent on homework, keeping house, shopping, caring for our many pets (Elliet now has two ratties), playing outside, doing a lot of art projects and going on the occasional field trip.  Ziva goes to preschool 2.5 hours, 3 days a week.  She loves it and I love that it encouraged her to finally potty train!  The beautiful thing is that because I don’t want to make the drive three times a day, I sit at a local coffee shop until it’s time to pick up Ziva.  I’ve met some great people and spent time just relaxing with my phone and a book to read.  BLISS!

Meet Moki! She's very energetic and must cover miles on her wheel every day.

And Maggie. She's very sweet, was shy at first but is now eager to interact with us.

In sad news, we lost Mr. Birdie Fantastico about two weeks ago. Seems like he may have been caught in the bars of his cage and died trying to free himself. It makes me incredibly sad to think that I could have saved him if we had been home at the time. He has a marked grave in the side yard.

RIP Mr. Birdie

So, the other big thing going on here is Occupy Cincinnati.  I attended the march through downtown and the rally that followed on October 8th.  There were hundreds in attendance; young and old, rich and poor, families and youth.  It was a beautiful day of unity.  Since then I’ve attended two General Assemblies and donated all the food and supplies I could afford.  This is a movement I believe in, this is the one that will change everything.  I hope to put together a separate post with all the photos and more information.  In the meantime, here’s a few pictures from the first rally:

One of the more popular signs at the rally. "I pay more in fed'l taxes than General Electric and Bank of America combined."

"I made $7,000 a year in the US Navy"

Very nice couple, they've continued visiting the Occupiers to show support. They really liked my sign, "1 Person 1 Vote"

I Really Should Blog More…

I’d be just fine with the infrequency of my posts if I didn’t feel so awkward every time I tried to post something new.  It’s like having a newish friend that you really enjoy but the two of you just don’t see each other very often so each time you extend an invitation you wonder if your friend is thinking, “Why does she even bother if she’s never going to talk to me anyway?”  The nerve!

I guess if you’re still around after (has it really been this long?!) two months I can just assume you are comfortable with the weird gaps of time.  Just promise me this, if you think I need to be putting more effort into our relationship you’ll tell me.  At which point we’ll have definitely crossed some weird line.  I maybe already did that here.

I’ve got some new links for you!  See?  I’ve been here the whole time!  You just didn’t see me because I was hiding in the bushes.  How many creeptastic analogies can I come up with in one post?? Please don’t tempt me!

I found this blogger yesterday and have to share one of his older posts.

When I was really sick and had a fever and dying my father would look at me and then over at the Grim Reaper hanging out just waiting for me to die! die already! and decide it was time for me to have a drink called “Poonce” or “Pownce” but he would say it in a French accent which was appropriate because it made it sound like it was authorized as part of the Geneva Convention.

“Poonce” was made of the following ingredients:

1) HOT Water
2) Orange juice
3) FUCKING MOLASSES WTF
4) Booze. Lots and lots of booze.
5) Probably more booze.*

*optional

The whole post is hilarious, you should definitely check it out.  When I was a kid in the 80′s my mom was pretty crunchy.  We used to eat Bear Mush which is basically just the health-food-store version of Cream of Wheat.  We ate this hot cereal with carob chips melted in it.  Yep.

Unfortunately, our homemade remedies did not include booze but they were definitely interesting.  We had some cold medicines (and to be fair, may have had more if I didn’t occasionally sneak into the cabinet to drink the yummy orange one…) but there were always holistic measures taken first.  For bronchitis there was castor oil poured on your chest, then a 100% wool cloth on top of that, presumably to keep you awake with the itching so as to avoid too much time under the castor oil, all topped off with a heating pad.  I don’t think I even heard of vapo-rub until I left for college.  Of course we also had Echinacea (I cannot adequately describe the awfulness that is puking up 8 herbal tablets) and this crazy stuff that was so, SO gross.

Toxic, dark green sludge that "tastes just fine when you mix it with orange juice!"

Do I even need to mention the algae phase?  No?  We also saw a doctor who may have just played a doctor at work, I don’t really know.  He had his nurse give us a eucalyptus shot in the ass any time we came in with an infection like strep or bronchitis.  Good times.

Did your parents booze you up like Rod’s?  Or were they more like the Windex dad in that Greek Wedding movie and they just made up their own weird shit using whatever was already on-hand?  Did you grow up crunchy and eat jalapenos to make it easier to get down the morning glass of carrot juice?  Was your family like Chris Rock’s with Robitussin being the cure for everything??  “Run outta ‘tussin? Put some water in there and shake it up. More ‘tussin!“

Bigger and Blacker is one of the funniest stand-up routines you will ever watch.  Fair warning though, it is NSFRIR.  That’s Not Safe For Religiously Inclined Relatives for those of you who can’t read internet (or my made-up acronyms).  So don’t tell them how funny it was unless you want them to suggest that they rent it so you can all watch it together.  It will be awkward.

We’ve Been Here

On vacation this week in North Carolina.

Visiting my brother's family; ice cream makes us happy.

Friendly little frogs at our rental house in Nags Head

Four days, no kids

Sipping from a puddle in the neighbor's driveway

Good morning froggy friend, help yourself to the mosquitoes!

The family arrived yesterday; Papaw gets a spot at the kids' table.

Ziva's first trip to the beach

Elliet was in heaven!

Ziva loved the water as long as someone was holding her hand.

Brought back pocketfuls of shells

Grandma J with our adorable niece

A Strange Thing Happened

First, the backstory:

A few years ago Jt and I started looking for a new church.  We ended up only visiting one, a large Vineyard that we had visited before and enjoyed.  They are very outreach-focused and we really respect that.  Our second or third visit happened to coincide with the finale of their national youth event; a week-long function called Summer of Service (S.O.S.).  The youth minister got up to talk about the events of the week and one story really stood out to me.  He explained that one of the activities involves some of the kids choosing to “go deeper” spiritually and go farther with their outreach.  They meet in a small group and pray together, specifically asking God to give them direction.  The kids are encouraged to share anything that comes to them during the prayer, colors or locations or names or what-have-you.  The aim is to then watch for those things while out in the community, sort of a way to see how God can speak to us.  The group gets a small allowance they can use to serve the community in whatever way they choose.  One group went out and used their money to buy bouquets of flowers.  When they came upon a Planned Parenthood clinic, they thought maybe they could give the flowers to the staff to be distributed to the women who had terminated pregnancies.  The staff was kind but turned them away due to policies in place to protect patients and personnel.  The group gathered in the parking lot to decide what to do when one young man was struck by the locking gates around the facility and the bulletproof glass that surrounded the receptionist.  He and the others felt burdened by the knowledge that it was actions of their own faith community that had led to the need for that level of security.  They felt shame because of the fear the clinic staff had to work under.  They went back in and apologized for these things and gave the flowers to the receptionist to be given out to the clinic staff.
This was when I knew we were in the right church.  Not only did they encourage the youth in this activity but this was the one story the minister chose to share about the week.  I felt like that said something about the kind of community we would find at this church.  You know the rest of this story, I eventually left and “deconverted” to agnosticism.  But I still had and have a lot of respect for this church community that has become nationally known among other churches for it’s servanthood focus.

Another quick story.  Before we started going to the aforementioned church we were members of a different church for about five years.  During that time I became very interested in the idea that God could lead us to pray for specific things or that we could hear Him in other ways.  I started asking Him to help me hear Him in this way.  One afternoon I ran into Kroger to grab snacks for a church meeting.  I can only explain this in the language I understand it… I felt “led” to buy flowers.  I didn’t think, “I should buy flowers and then maybe give them to someone at church.”  There was no thought involved at all really.  I was in a great hurry so I didn’t have time to talk myself out of it and I bought the flowers and took them with me to the meeting.  Upon arrival I again felt “led” to give them to a woman who I knew, though not well.  I gave them to her with a nervous, rushed explanation along the lines of, “I think God told me to give you these, I don’t know why, it could be nothing, here you go, bye.”
I got a card from her that week.  She wrote that I had given her the flowers on the anniversary of her miscarriage of twins.  She said it was like God letting her know that He remembered.

*******

Moving along.  Earlier this week Kenai woke up with a swollen eye and a lot of pain.  I gave it an hour but it was clearly not getting better so we went to her pediatrician.  He did a fluorescein test on her eye (OMG SO COOL) and found a tiny pinpoint scratch on her cornea at the center of her pupil.

Yes, I AM that mom. But it's insanely cool, right??

He gave us an antibiotic drop, told us that these things heal remarkably quickly and asked us to come back the next day.  The following morning her eye was worse.  He did the dye trick again and things looked the same so he sent us to the eye doctors at Children’s Hospital.  They found that there was actually some tiny thing in her eye and after two hours or so, they swabbed the little bugger right out.  We had to go back the next day and we have to go back again next week to watch for infection but she’s feeling 100% better.  After that first hospital appointment I suggested we get donuts to share with our neighbors who had so graciously kept the other kids for me.

We went into the Dunkin Donuts by the hospital and ordered a dozen donuts and a box of munchkins.  I noticed what appeared to be a youth group and thought they were probably stopping for snacks on a trip but took no further notice until I went to pay.  The cashier told a woman with the youth group what my total was and then he told me that this group was going to pay for my order.  I smiled at the woman and said thank you and asked the woman what church they were from.  I assumed it was our former church since this was sort of their M.O.  She said they were from the Vineyard and I told her I used to go there.  Right as she was asking which location I had attended I noticed the S.O.S. tag around her neck.  I told her I knew about S.O.S. and what a neat event I thought it was.  She asked if Kenai was okay (she was holding a tissue over her eye) and I told her about the ordeal and how we had just come from the hospital.
As I told the cashier what kind of donuts we wanted I noticed lots of hushed, excited chatter coming from the group of two adults and about six junior high girls.  I heard them saying they wanted to pray with us so before we left I went over to the group to thank them again.  The girls were thrilled and wanted to talk to Kenai who was of course being very shy.  Then one of the women asked if she could share with me this exciting thing that had occurred.  I don’t know what I expected but I have to say I was surprised to hear that during their prayer time before leaving the church they had received some direction from God.  One girl saw the color green -the fingernails on my left hand are painted green right now (I tried the color, didn’t like it, didn’t feel like taking it off).  Another girl saw plaid -I had changed into my very awesome plaid shoes before leaving for the hospital.  Another girl had heard the name Sarah and another had received the words “eye pain”.  They were all very excited; they prayed for Kenai and we all left.

*******

So what’s an agnostic to do?  I have processed this in a way that is comfortable for me which is different than how my husband processed it which is different again from how my mother processed it.  I don’t want to influence anyone else’s processing of the story just yet but I hope to hear how different readers interpret this story and will probably share in the comments how I interpret these events.

The Internet is My Religion

I’m asking politely that you watch this

However, if you don’t watch this now I will be rude and I will hound you until long after you die and I will use coarse language and blackmail until you WATCH THIS

“God is just what happens when humanity is connected”

PDF2011 Jim Gilliam, posted with vodpod

Found at Jesus Needs New PR

Random, Deep, Lazy Thoughts That Are Unnecessarily Laden With Grown-Up Words

I’m too lazy to work on my trip posts so I will now share with you all the thoughts I’ve been having that are really more appropriate for Facebook while being mostly inappropriate for Facebook  I think that makes them Tweets  Also, period key still not working but that just makes it more fun to read, right?  Like a puzzle *inside* a blog post

*******

I’ve finally made a friend who does tattoos and he’s really good and PLUS he’s just a great fucking person with a kick-ass girlfriend   He’s gonna fix up my Burning Man/phoenix tattoo and do a new one for me   One or both of these should be happening this weekend  I’m stupid excited

*******

I’m dropping weight like crazy  I bought a pair of shorts ten days ago that fit perfect and lasted through a 7 hour dance party in Detroit and when I stood up just now to grab my phone THEY FELL OFF  Seriously  I believe this proves my theory that you cannot lose weight until you are comfortable and happy with who you are  There’s an element of “not giving a fuck about what you think, I’m awesome” that increases your metabolism, it’s Sciencey
For real

*******

The comment thread on this Swistle post is fucking hilarious

*******

Speaking of fucking hilarious, this girl is the shit:  My Drunk Kitchen You know you’re gonna love it just from the title, amirite?

Oh wait, here’s an episode you can watch right now! “I think that we made biscuits”

*******

Have you ever listened to Lily Allen?  She gives good music  You may remember that I posted her song, Fuck You, a little while back
I just got lost in a wormhole trying to find the right video to post  You should just go ahead and download the whole album, It’s Not Me, It’s You
Here’s one  It’s highly inappropriate, insanely catchy and funny as hell:

*******

I will never fully understand doggy politics   One minute you’re best friends and the next you’re about to cut a bitch over food neither of you like, what IS that??

*******

I really really really (really) don’t care about Weiner or Schwarzenegger (spelled that right the first time, BOO YAH) or whoever else made a fool of himself over a female   Stop acting like it’s news that these guys are lecherous morons, it’s not like we didn’t know that already

*******

If you saw a young, attractive woman (or a 30-something fatty, whatevs) using a silly band as a ponytail holder would you think, “Trendsetter” or “Mom got hot and couldn’t find a proper hair tie in her minivan”?  Doesn’t matter, I rocked it anyway

*******

My sister, the one I’m always going on about, THE Emily, yes that one  She got engaged to her Jason last weekend while we were in Detroit   I was in on the surprise (as was EVERYONE ELSE SHE KNOWS) but I wasn’t sure exactly when during the weekend he was going to do it   It ended up being ridiculously perfect   A huge surprise for a girl who no one has EVER been able to surprise while she was surrounded by some of her best friends during one of her favorite weekends   The setting was perfect, the timing was perfect, her reaction was PRICELESS and I am so lucky I got to be a part of it   So here’s one picture from that trip and one of these days I’ll post the rest and tell you all about DEMF and why everyone should go and why they should be glad they went and why they will want to go back every year and also why they’ll wish they had friends as cool as the ones I made

Well, fuck all, now I'm crying again

Oh Dear, Oh My, Fret Fret Fret

I have no good excuse for not posting, I’ve been fretting over the Not-Posting for two weeks but it wasn’t enough to make me post

Also, my period key is not working so this post may look a little funny  And yes, I am entirely too lazy to copy and paste periods into a blog post

Of course, there are SOME reasons I haven’t posted  Two weeks ago I was in Chicago and last weekend I was in Detroit  I’ve been working through my reader all morning and it’s still 200 deep  I haven’t even been to my favorite site at all in two weeks!

There’s a lot to say so look forward to a post about Chicago, the best city ever and the best Sabin Sisters Weekend ever  Then there will be the Detroit post which will be even more awesome  Then there will be a post where I open my soul after swallowing a handful of clonazepam because I’m so nervous about sharing this newish thing in my journey

See you soon!