Okay, my de-lurking post had 27 hits. Only FIVE of you commented! What the hell, people? What. The. Hell.
The only reasonable explanation is that each of you five visited that specific post five times. Two other hits were accidental hits from searches for cartoon flashers. Internets, you’ve let me down.
My only course of action is obvious. I must write about things that will make you want to tell your friends about this blog. I’m thinking controversy. Not just controversy but *jazz hands* controversy.
So here we go. I don’t like religion in any form. It serves only to divide. I don’t believe in the Bible anymore because it occurred to me that I don’t HAVE to. Who knew?
I am a FLAMING liberal. I’m as left as they come for most issues. I’m certain that there are some decent, thinking (maybe) people on the right and, perhaps more importantly, there are many people on the right who I love very, very much. However. Your leaders and talking heads are fear-mongering, racist, divisive, violent and OH SO SMUG.
I enjoy using curse words. I love them all, I can’t even decide on a favorite. It doesn’t mean that I’m stupid, as so many smug puritans would have you believe. It puts passion behind my words. It serves a purpose. Think about it. In this list, which ones are more appropriate to the message?
- I’m on a boat, you guys! OR I’m on a boat, motherfucker!!
- We’re not too old for this STUFF! OR We’re not too old for this SHIT!
- Shake it fast! OR Shake your ass!
- I’ve had it with these darn snakes on this darn plane! OR I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!
- Darn the police! OR Fuck the police!
- Or how about we replace Lily Allen’s Fuck You with Darn You?
When a swear word is called for and you replace it with a non-swear word you end up sounding like Ned Flanders.
Now, I’ll take this a step further. I cuss in front of my kids. At ages 2, 5 and 7, they’ve yet to pick up this habit. This is because the few times they have said a cuss word, I have told them that it is a word for grown-ups. I’ve never called anything a bad word. For the borderline words like “frick” or “heck” I explain that these are words that are okay to use at home but, some people don’t like these words so we shouldn’t say them at school or church or around the grandparents. So far, so good.
Alright, moving on. Hmmm…controversy, controversy…I got nothing, what you got?
Ooh, oooh, I’m gonna tell!!!! Someone…
Can I tell you, I sort of need to find a way to use “shake it fast” in a sentence. I have a feeling it could be way, way dirtier than “shake your ass” if used correctly.
Also, I am your friend, and I go to church every week, and I am ALSO a big flaming liberal. And I don’t have to either. So, um, nyeaaah! (Forgive me, flaming liberals, even churchy ones have trouble condemning people for lack of faith.)
I soooo <3 liberal Christians. If I ever return to the faith it will be on account of you!
My husband could’ve wrote this very post — about himself. How many times in your life has someone said “You remind me a lot of Pat Rock…” ha!
Well, it’s been a while but Jedd has definitely said that he is Julia and I am Pat. I’m not at all sure what to think about that!
Fucking eh.
We curse. Lots. Lotsandlotsandlots.
My grown adult kids sometimes curse, sometimes they don’t. They’ve learned to read their audience. That said, cursing is like smoking, drinking, and getting a tat; when you’re an adult, you can decide if you’re gonna participate. Until then, I don’t want to hear it out of my kids mouths (they’re still learning nuance and the difference between gratuitous and useful verbiage)
My young adults have made some expressive gaffes related to cursing. We talk about the uses and get on with life.
I suspect one of your commenters is most comfortable with the little woman in pearls whilst dusting and the other thinks disclosing your personal thoughts (on a blog no less) is ‘entitled’
HolyCrapIndeed.
Wow- I guess your plan to stir things up worked… I’m just here to say I lurked and didn’t comment on the last post. Apologies! So many blogs to read, so little time to comment.
First of all I have to say your blogs are NOT boring I enjoy reading your crazy posts and I mean crazy in a good way. Keep it up!! 2nd I think it is good to have your own beliefs about issues because it makes you your own individual. Big smile
hehe
Thanks Chelsea! You are so sweet!
I heartily invite people who want to comment on this blog to go out and try to run your own blog. See how easy it is. I dare you. And then haul your carcass back here and say you’re sorry. Writing from a personal angle is always a risk, Vegas, but to hell with the haters, sez I.
Kinda-sorta amen. I find that religion, when applied correctly and in intermediate doses, can give guidance and peace for some people. I like my churches, but we go to multiple for a reason.
I lurk everywhere for the moment, and for that I apologize. I’m not a bum, but I never really manage to comment anywhere, as I’m always behind in work, and feel that if I haven’t commented, somehow I haven’t “actually” been avoiding my work readin you and Katie and MT.
Or getting dinner ideas at List Lust Lost right? (blog pimping! YEAH!)
I LOVE your dinner ideas! I also really need kid-lunch advice in case you’re not busy enough with the whole cook AND post everyday thing!
I read, Suzannne, but I don’t cook. I never cook.
On a related note, you got that controversy you were looking for. :jazz hands:
Although I don’t agree with most of what you believe/write/etc. I still love you! You’re a super person, a great mom and I’m proud to call you Family!!!
I feel exactly the same about you!
<3 Thanks!
Holy. Crap.
I didn’t read this through the first time, but came back because you mentioned it. This comments section shows me that people are really, really cruel–and that they somehow manage to continue to think of themselves as being helpful and good. How does that work? How do people justify that? I’m seeing them do it before my very eyes, and I still don’t understand it. It makes me feel sick.
Will not feed trolls, will not feed trolls, will not feed trolls.
nope, trolls are baaaaddd! Kinda like Gremlins. Don’t feed them after midnight and for heaven sake, don’t get them wet!!!!
But they’re so funny and cute at first, you just wanna see what kind of crazy they’ll spew next!!
Pingback: In The End… | Patrick Says
Vegas: Fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke. I guarantee you your kids will NOT remember that you kept the house sparkling clean. They WILL remember that you sang to them or took walks with them or got down on the floor and played trucks with them.
My own mother (rest her soul) kept a ferociously clean house for complicated personal reasons. She worked, and she had four kids, and for several years she also got up to deliver papers with my dad.
What we remember was always being afraid we were going to mess things up, and getting yelled at for, well, being little kids who once in a while forgot to wipe our feet.
Looking back, I can see the reasons she acted the way she did. It makes me sad that she felt she had to be perfect, i.e., to keep a perfect house even though she was sooo busy (and always tired). Frankly, we would have preferred a dirtier house and a parent who sat down once in a while to rest, or maybe even play Parcheesi with us.
You might enjoy the following piece about housekeeping, “The Roach Diet, Or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Dirt.” It was written by my daughter, who suffers from clinical depression, PTSD and chronic fatigue following a rare neurological disease that nearly killed her:
http://www.blogher.com/roach-diet-or-how-i-stopped-worrying-and-learned-love-dirt
Illegitimi non carborundum, lady. Live your life the way that works for you.
P.S. I go to a progressive Christian church. The service begins with a pastor saying, “Whether you are a believer, a seeker or a doubter, we are glad you’re here.” And two of the three are gay, just FYI — we ain’t no “God hates fags” congregation.
Hi Donna, thanks for the link and your kind words. It is so true about what our kids really need from us and what they will remember as they get older.